But, I think this project has helped me see that a lot of the men on craigslist are dealing with some sort of shame. And, it is the shame that drives them into the anonymity and the awkwardness.
I feel this, because when I am shameless and focus on what I want, some of the men shift from the normal craigslist tropes and invite me to do some of the most fascinating play I've never done.
Some, however, think that my sexual liberation must mean creating more shame in them. They want me to engage in traditionally BDSM humiliation tactics with them such as golden showers, anonymous oral sex, anal stretching, and adult baby play. They send me constant requests for this, even though all of the experiences I've shared are about glorification and exploration not glory holes and degradation.
Interesting, I advised one of my responders who was pretending to be a Charlottesville, sapiosexual, UVA professor to find a dom chick who would want to do some of the things he asked. Next, I see the familiar cucumber anal stretching request in the casual encounters from the very young man in Waynesborro who used to repeatedly advertise how he wanted a woman who wouldn't hurt him. I don't pretend to know which he really wants, but I did notice the change in his tactics.
And, I think his choice to lie and poorly pretend to be what someone wanted does not stem from being an asshole but from shame. If you are continuously honest about what you want and who you are and you get no attention, eventually shame sets in. And, when you see someone asking for someone, you want to be that someone... at least to get what you want.
This type of shame made one gentleman treat me first as a fraud. Then, when he realized his accusations, secrecy, and mendacity might block him from a fun experience, he adjusted and was honest with me. We hung out and did an exhibitionist photo shoot.
However, another chose to try to shame me for taking the exhibitionist's photos and writing a poem about him, because he supposedly did not fit the appropriate, attractive male body image. Only shaved or hairless, thin or athletic men deserve to be photographed or lusted after. As a larger, size activist familiar with how cruel people may be with fatter people, I saw this as more of the shamer's problems than problems with my photography or choice in model.
And, I've dealt with these type of "normal" people more interested in shaming than having fun in my regular, offline life. I am sure you have too. Maybe, that is what brings you here... a hope for a place where shame does not reign supreme.
Truly the Charlottesville craigslist casual encounters community isn't very different from the offline one.
I mean, women find plenty of the bullies, the socially awkward, the killers, and the rapists without ever looking at a casual encounter ad.
So, here's to the shameless Charlottesville craigslist guy! I know you are out there and willing to play! Thank you for making this project interesting, and my personal life more enriching!
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