“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” Anton Chekhov
Reading long lists about another's hobbies, characteristics, or likes/dislikes is boring and usually inaccurate.
Showing or sharing with people what you are into is much more interesting.
If most of your response is a list of your physical attributes, then just shut up and send a picture!
If you are a writer, send them a piece of your writing.
If you are a visual artist, send them some of your portfolio.
If you are musical, send them a sound clip of your latest jam.
If you are a marathoner, show them a photo of you running for your life or charity or what have you.
You get the point.
And, all of these things can be shared while still being discreet, because all of this information is probably available on your social networks or professional or amateur online portfolios.
Creative disclosure makes for a sense of intimacy and knowing someone...not just what they admit to but more about what they are capable of and how they see the world.
This type of connection makes the difference between someone rolling their eyes at another list of someone who likes movies, hiking, and oral sex and someone who is seriously considering rolling you.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Kondescending Kunt Unsolicited Online Dating Advice #3 "Why 'Hi' Is Not Enough"
"Hi, hello, howdy, etc." work as an offline greeting, because it is accompanied by what you look like, what you are wearing, where you are, etc. The nonverbal context allows the person enough knowledge to determine if they want to return the greeting.
However as an online message, "hi"is a really lacking, unoriginal one.
Craigslist requires more written content than just the word "hi" to accept the post, so you are always answering an ad with more than just an impersonal greeting.
Also, you are probably answering an ad that intrigued or interested you in some way. Answering an interesting ad in an uninteresting way is a sure way to be ignored or annoy.
In addition, expressing your interest without letting someone know why you are interesting will most likely get you ignored too. Women are looking for offline dates with interesting men not ego petting from online strangers.
Truthfully, you may not want to invest more than a "hi" or a quick comment about her ad.
If for some reason you don't want to work for this possible new relationship (formal or casual), then you should probably not answer ads hoping for one.
Furthermore, this low level of online male investment in things emotional and intimate mirrors the same low level of a great deal of men offline. Men who advise they work very hard for things that are important to them like their financial, education, recreational, political, and physical successes do not think working hard for personal relationship success is appropriate especially for men. Even men who are disgusted by people who they think want to get something for nothing try to develop relationships with little or no effort. And, women who require some sort of personalized, deep, honest attention are deemed high maintenance, bitchy, demanding, dismissive, full of herself, controlling, etc.
I suggest you overcome this popular, lazy, male inclination and show real investment in even the beginnings of your social interactions.
However as an online message, "hi"is a really lacking, unoriginal one.
Craigslist requires more written content than just the word "hi" to accept the post, so you are always answering an ad with more than just an impersonal greeting.
Also, you are probably answering an ad that intrigued or interested you in some way. Answering an interesting ad in an uninteresting way is a sure way to be ignored or annoy.
In addition, expressing your interest without letting someone know why you are interesting will most likely get you ignored too. Women are looking for offline dates with interesting men not ego petting from online strangers.
Truthfully, you may not want to invest more than a "hi" or a quick comment about her ad.
If for some reason you don't want to work for this possible new relationship (formal or casual), then you should probably not answer ads hoping for one.
Furthermore, this low level of online male investment in things emotional and intimate mirrors the same low level of a great deal of men offline. Men who advise they work very hard for things that are important to them like their financial, education, recreational, political, and physical successes do not think working hard for personal relationship success is appropriate especially for men. Even men who are disgusted by people who they think want to get something for nothing try to develop relationships with little or no effort. And, women who require some sort of personalized, deep, honest attention are deemed high maintenance, bitchy, demanding, dismissive, full of herself, controlling, etc.
I suggest you overcome this popular, lazy, male inclination and show real investment in even the beginnings of your social interactions.
Welcome To My Project!
Dreams can be dangerous experiences. They may guide you to paths that others find crazy, confusing, and condescending. They may also guide you off cliffs and maybe in the process teach you to fly.
In my dream, I reduced rape culture and increased the safety of brown and black trans sex workers. I made this magic by changing in small ways how people connected with each other in anonymous, sexual encounters like those advertised in Charlottesville, Virginia craigslist casual encounters personal ads.
I woke up wanting to understand and possibly adjust this niche culture. I thought maybe I could help, because I loved writing and had a University of Virginia BA in English Lit. had an understanding of wanting to overcome social disconnect from my experience as a mental health peer support specialist, and had a comfortable way of suggesting changes or improvements from my life coach certification.
Also, I was open to participating in instead of judging a space that would become really sex positive instead of constantly dealing with deceit as discretion and shame instead of sexual liberation.
As you may realize if you read some of my passages... when I am not being naughty, I write about being naughty among other things. :)
To get the full range of experience, sometimes I posted as myself, more traditionally attractive women, and men.
When I started this project documenting my experiences using Charlottesville, VA craigslist casual encounters and sharing unsolicited online dating advice, I celebrated by committing to meeting up with at least one respondent to my ads a day until they expired in forty five days. However, my ads never last more than 24 hours. :)
What am I into?
Only interested in other Cvillians.
I am poly.
As for the rest...depends on the man who answers the call.
I wasn't sure what I would find. I wasn't sure I could really change anything.
So far, I have one primary relationship with a fabulous workaholic, a benefit friend with a guy who is incredibly busy raising his kids, getting through his divorce, and work, a guy who sends me fractured Shakespearean sonnets daily, and photography sessions with a local exhibitionist.
If you are okay with me writing about our experiences (while protecting your identity of course), you should leave me a comment or email kondescendingkunt@gmail.com.
Just a few tips about me...
My preferred beverages are mango lasses, chai milkshakes, and arnold palmers. My preferred movement is dance and Downtown Mall strolls. My preferred position is doggy. My preferred birth control is condoms. My preferred time to play is on a weekday.
I dislike cunnilingus, hiking, yoga, coffee shops, and making arbitrary lists about likes/dislikes for online strangers. :)
And, the kurious name of Kondescending Kunt kame from one of the men I made angry during my research. It seemed so lofty and erotic at the same time, I just had to keep it.
If you would like to know more, please be specific and ask.
Cheers!
Veronica Haunani
In my dream, I reduced rape culture and increased the safety of brown and black trans sex workers. I made this magic by changing in small ways how people connected with each other in anonymous, sexual encounters like those advertised in Charlottesville, Virginia craigslist casual encounters personal ads.
I woke up wanting to understand and possibly adjust this niche culture. I thought maybe I could help, because I loved writing and had a University of Virginia BA in English Lit. had an understanding of wanting to overcome social disconnect from my experience as a mental health peer support specialist, and had a comfortable way of suggesting changes or improvements from my life coach certification.
Also, I was open to participating in instead of judging a space that would become really sex positive instead of constantly dealing with deceit as discretion and shame instead of sexual liberation.
As you may realize if you read some of my passages... when I am not being naughty, I write about being naughty among other things. :)
To get the full range of experience, sometimes I posted as myself, more traditionally attractive women, and men.
When I started this project documenting my experiences using Charlottesville, VA craigslist casual encounters and sharing unsolicited online dating advice, I celebrated by committing to meeting up with at least one respondent to my ads a day until they expired in forty five days. However, my ads never last more than 24 hours. :)
What am I into?
Only interested in other Cvillians.
I am poly.
As for the rest...depends on the man who answers the call.
I wasn't sure what I would find. I wasn't sure I could really change anything.
So far, I have one primary relationship with a fabulous workaholic, a benefit friend with a guy who is incredibly busy raising his kids, getting through his divorce, and work, a guy who sends me fractured Shakespearean sonnets daily, and photography sessions with a local exhibitionist.
If you are okay with me writing about our experiences (while protecting your identity of course), you should leave me a comment or email kondescendingkunt@gmail.com.
Just a few tips about me...
My preferred beverages are mango lasses, chai milkshakes, and arnold palmers. My preferred movement is dance and Downtown Mall strolls. My preferred position is doggy. My preferred birth control is condoms. My preferred time to play is on a weekday.
I dislike cunnilingus, hiking, yoga, coffee shops, and making arbitrary lists about likes/dislikes for online strangers. :)
And, the kurious name of Kondescending Kunt kame from one of the men I made angry during my research. It seemed so lofty and erotic at the same time, I just had to keep it.
If you would like to know more, please be specific and ask.
Cheers!
Veronica Haunani
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