A Conversation (3/45)

So, a friend of a friend found out about this project and wished to ask me a few questions about his online dating on OKCupid.com.

I told him I primarily used Charlottesville craigslist casual encounters, because I found that "dating" or "hookup" spaces that provided online chat capabilities turned into online social networks or online hang out spaces more than it produced offline experiences.  This is fine for people who are into chatting up strangers with compelling profiles but not the best for folks who want to hang out with someone within a week or less of connecting with them.

He agreed with this, because he had been primarily using it to chat with women of like minds for several months and had only been out on one date with one woman with whom he had been chatting for a long time.

He also asked if it was wrong of him to be on a dating site, when he was not interested in dating anyone.

I asked him if he only checked the seeking friends option, he told me he checked all of the possible relationships.

He also did not feel compelled to check out what the woman said she was seeking before approaching her for chat.

He felt that he was not wasting the woman's time who was looking for more than he was interested in, because he was such a good conversationalist.

Also, he wasn't sure that maybe next month he would want to date someone.  I pointed out that he could just click on more choices next month instead of misleading women this month.  He didn't really respond to this.

Overall, deceit and/or leading people on about what you want to get more respondents does not seem the best way to start a relationship even friendship.

But, the truth of the matter was the guy was handsome, single, athletic, young, smart, quirky, white, and seemed willing to talk to anyone, because ultimately he didn't want anything.  So, this access to someone with all of these popular things would probably really be a waste of time and energy for someone looking for more but the engagement would appear worth it to her.

I mean how often do you get to talk to the "beautiful" people online?

Kondescending Kunt Unsolicited Online Dating Advice #6 "Resist the Urge to Cut and Paste Your Cool"

So, you perfected a sound byte about you and what you have to offer the ladies.

What is wrong with cutting and pasting it and repeatedly sending it to most of the women's ads to which you respond?  Especially, if you add a line or two in the beginning to demonstrate you've read her specific ad?

Well, the over sent portion can come across canned just like an overused pick up line can in offline situations.

And, online we call repeatedly sending generalized, cut and paste, messages to different folks "spam."

And, a person, like myself, who tells you I read, post, and respond to a lot of Charlottesville craigslist casual encounters ads will probably have come across your spam messaging before.

So, this particular concoction that is supposed to make you look like you invested time and energy and uniqueness to respond to little ole me... doesn't it.

Also, since you probably didn't adjust the spam to deal with my ad in particular, it seems you are not into the details of pleasing this woman as you think you are.  Case and point, men think that their stock as a lover goes up if they are willing or really want to go down on a woman.  My ad specifically mentions I dislike cunnilingus.  So, any responses I get mentioning their amazing, non-applicable oral skills are particularly heinous.

So, cutting and pasting does not make you appear interesting or intriguing, instead, it makes you look...typical.

And, I am haunting Charlottesville craigslist casual encounters for the thoroughly atypical.